I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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