It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
