Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
