Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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