I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
