Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
