i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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