census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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