he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize