she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
