Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
