I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
