broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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