I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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