do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
