Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
