Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
In America we eat man semen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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