I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize