Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
