I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
