Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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