I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she woke up with a sticky ear
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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