so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
