Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize