Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im holly from the hills drunk
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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