Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
