Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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