I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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