oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
