party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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