i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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