I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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