You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
