In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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