My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
