just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
