i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
