just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
