Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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