I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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