Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
