pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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