My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
