dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have already put on my inside pants.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
