Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
