my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
