I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
