The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
