Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
