I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
