Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
