he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
