It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Randomize
