apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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