u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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