Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize