Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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