i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
