I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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