If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize