So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
