don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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