weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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