Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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