please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
