It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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