I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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