Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
