And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize