he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
