he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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