Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
